Feeling Crummy

So, I'm having a hard time the past few days (obviously if you've read my last few posts), but it just feels like I'm getting weaker and worse as time goes on... Whatever is wrong with my stomach is ruining my life. It's like this crampy, achey, burning sensation almost constantly now. It used to just happen when I eat, but now it just flares up when I ingest anything. I'm really starting to worry just because if it's gastroparesis instead of my gallbladder, that means I can't just fix it with a surgery and a change of diet... It's gonna be a long time suffering and doing treatments that don't always work.

Today, I am attempting to go hang out with some friends, though I started getting ready at 11 and am only halfway done because I keep having to take breaks. I'm honestly exhausted. Here's hoping I won't need my wheelchair tonight and if anything I can just use my walker. I honestly hate hate HATE using my supporting devices in public. People's stares don't really get to me anymore, but it's the feeling that I'm inconveniencing the people I am with that gets me. I'm often overwhelmed with the anxiety of the idea that the friends or family I'm with would be having more fun if I wasn't there to hold them back. It's not a fun feeling, honestly.

This morning I was invited out for something, but as  had already made plans for tonight I had to say no, so that I can conserve my energy and be able to fulfill my plans this evening. It did however make my entire morning that I was thought of. Even if I have to say no because of weakness, not feeling well, being in medical care, or just because I already am doing something and have to save energy, I will ALWAYS appreciate the invite more than you could know. It reminds me that I'm not forgotten and that people outside of my house still care about me even though I've disappeared for a while to try to get better. So thank you for that today, Lord, because I needed it lol. 

I hope you're all having a beautiful Saturday and that those of you with disorders like mine are having a low pain sun-shiny day :)

Yours Truly,
Broken but Beautiful